I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
