Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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