apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
