Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
