SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
