I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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