Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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