Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
