it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i would punch a child for taco bell
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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