brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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