I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
