it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
