also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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