I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize