the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
