I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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