yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
