ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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