Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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