I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its not stalking. its research.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
