so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
