i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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