I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
