now i know why i became what i already was.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
