His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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