i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
