i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
