i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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