3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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