Is it because I queefed?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
