In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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