its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
