i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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