Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
