She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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