I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
