just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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