i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
