Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
