At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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