My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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