I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
