yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i've created a new STD.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
