remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
