im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
