dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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