I wish I could punch you in the face.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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