i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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