New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
