I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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