Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
