umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
