And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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