unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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