State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
