dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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