i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
