The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
