woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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