in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
