id be glad to
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
