I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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