I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
