the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
