Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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