I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
