he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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