that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
