It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
