Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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