Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
