If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
