week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
