if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
