but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
