I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
