I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
