hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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