are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
