Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
