Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
