K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize