i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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