remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
