i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
