I can text with my tongue
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
