That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never underestimate the power of titties
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
