the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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