my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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