a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
