are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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