Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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