You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
