We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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