I looked at my own cervix.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
3 2 1 whiskey
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I smell like Dick and happiness
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
