omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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