Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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