I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
