I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
