So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And then he peed in my hair
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
