So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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