By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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