Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
