LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
