Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
