Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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