I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
