Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
