absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
