Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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